All black people: hate whites. White people: hate yourselves, since you didn’t have to be prompted to hate everyone else. Men: never listen to anything a woman says, and women: generalise everything and blame and hate all men for all of it (it’s true anyway).
Non-gun-owners: don’t stop at “gun control”, get all guns taken away from everyone who has them, because something unimportant to you can’t possibly be important for any reason. Gun owners: keep giving the non-gun-owners fuel by refusing to compromise on anything, no matter how much sense it makes.
Pro-abortionists: never admit to any moral responsibility for ending a feasible human life, and anti-abortionists: never admit that there’s ever a time when it might be necessary– or even just make a lot of fucking sense– for someone who doesn’t want or can’t bear a healthy child, to terminate a pregnancy.
Coal workers: you’re doing great, I’ve got nothing to say to you folks who are making a living on the energy-source of double-edged death. Keep it up! Alternative-energy folks: what are you, pussies? You don’t want to get grabbed by the president, do you? You deserve to pay a 3000% markup due to arbitrarily-increased solar-panel tarifs, Lord Dampnut did everyone a favour!
If you’re a person I’ve missed and/or you have no idea what I’m talking about, then argue over some shit that doesn’t matter. Whose sports team is sportsing hardest right now? I bet it’s not yours, those other guys sports way harder. We have to hate each other now. Also The Big Sunny Philadelphia is way funnier than It’s Always in Bang Theory– or whatever false-dichotomy sit-com pair is most relevant right now.
Now tear each other up for my amusement and the glee of our puppet-masters. We want to see blood… and sexual fluids.