Thoughtlessness; or: Mistakes Were Made

I keep thinking I’m getting somewhere in this whole “people-ing” business– and certainly, I’ve come far from where I was– but it seems I still forget some basic ideas.

I got engaged.

I didn’t tell anyone in person, just posted it on FB.

Of course, it wasn’t that simple. It’s never that simple.

Our “engagement” is… well, I’m not sure how I can put it, other than “redundant”.

As far as she and I are concerned, we’re already married– neither of us really believes in the involvement of “the state” in our love for each other, and she’s even further removed from the ritual practises of tradition than I am; which means she doesn’t want a traditional wedding.

We have plans for a welcome dinner– my idea. She would be cool with not even doing that, but I insisted on it for the sake of my (fairly traditional) family, who will need some sort of ritual with which to welcome her. Since we’re not doing the wedding, it will be a dinner.

Of course, they don’t even know that part yet. They would now, if they read my blog, but I’m pretty sure none of them do. Most of them aren’t avid readers, and my guess is that they would suppose nothing I would write to a bunch of strangers on the internet would be that interesting to them, anyway.

Then there’s my room mate. I love him like a brother, I’ve always considered him to be such, but I’ve alienated him now by not talking to him about it before it happened.

The thing is, we weren’t going to tell anyone yet. It’s really sudden, since we only came together in person about 20 days ago. We knew it would be hard for people to understand and accept– but she got really excited and needed to tell her people– which she did through FB, given that she’s outside the country from those people. Of course, since she assigned me to the post, this alerted friends on my FB, who then started congratulating me, which made me realise I should probably make my own post about it.

Now my mom’s offended I didn’t tell her first, much of my family is shocked, other old and good friends are feeling blown away, and my room mate– for good reason– isn’t feeling that great about it, either.

I really want to talk with him, but I’m not sure what I can even say. I’ve missed opportunities to talk with him about it, and generally have been kinda’ thoughtless with the whole thing. He’s right to be mad, but I don’t know how to fix it.

All I can do going forward, is try to stay present, balanced, and honest. That’s what I’m going to do… but I have no idea what it all will mean.

Here’s to Carpe Diem.


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