It Could Have Happened: 1

“So I was walking down the street yesterday, and up ahead I see Rob biking toward me.  He had a helmet on, but he was also wearing elbow, knee, and hand-guards like he’s about to jump off his bike and go rollerblading or something.

I kinda’ chuckled to myself, and I waved to him, and he waved back– but just as he did, this old-timey-lookin’ truck rolls up behind him, the muffler just growlin’ loud as can be, as the truck swirves toward him, and the guy in the passenger side swings his door open with a loud,

‘Nice helmet, FAG!’

And totally door-checks Rob right off his bike.”

 

“That’s horrible!” Amanda interrupted with a disgusted frown, “What’s wrong with people?!”

Aaron smirked and shook his head, “I don’t know.  People are fucked, that’s for sure– but in this particular case, it wasn’t out of the blue.”

 

“Those guys could have killed him!” Amanda interjected, scowling.

 

“Yeah, but– okay, yes, their response was really over the top, no doubt, but– he kinda had it comin’.”

 

“… And you know, I’d really think people were over using that word, anyway,”

 

“Can I finish the story?”

 

It was Amanda’s turn to smirk.  Her eyes lit up into a wide smile, and with sealed lips, she nodded.

 

“So anyways–”

 

Anyway…” Amanda corrected.

 

Aaron rolled his eyes and continued, “SO A FEW DAYS AGO–” Aaron paused to see if Amanda would interrupt again, and since she continued to smile silently, he went on, “– when Rob came to visit you at our apartment, you ended up taking a long shower, and he and I had an awkward conversation.

He didn’t know I was gay, and he made a silly comment talking about what ‘the gays’ wanted (he was referring to the gradual changing of laws we’ve been seeing in general, but seemed to be especially referencing the transsexual issues); I couldn’t resist the opportunity to fuck with him.

So I interrupted his ridiculous comments to say, ” ‘The gays’?!  Is that what you call us behind our backs?!

He goes, ‘Oh, shit, I’m sorry!  I didn’t know you were–‘

‘–a “the gays“?’ I interrupted.  He just stood there and looked at me all nonplussed.  I was dying laughing, inside.”

 

“Nonplussed?” Amanda repeated as she wrinkled her face.

 

“It means–” Aaron started, but Amanda cut him off again,

 

“–I know what it means,” she pleaded, “but who talks like that?”

 

Aaron rolled his eyes again.  “I do, you uncultured wench.  It’s called a vocabulary, try expanding yours some time.”

 

This time Amanda rolled her eyes, and flipped Aaron off.  He ignored it and continued,

 

” So Rob’s like, ‘Well what do you call yourselves then?!’

‘Well not “the gays”, the way you said it.  When you’re using it in a sentence like that, you say “the gay” for singular, and “the gays” for plural.’

Again, he stood there dumbfounded.  ‘You can’t be serious.  That doesn’t even make grammatical sense,’ he eventually droned out.

‘Yeah I am!’ I snapped at him, totally dead-pan.”

At this, Amanda giggled, and Aaron returned her response with a big grin.  “Oh, this gets so much better,” he went on.  “So he knew I was messing with him at first, but I just kept insisting it was the right way to say it, and when he had my back to the wall, I finally called Matt, and I was like, ‘Hey Mazzak,’ (that’s what I call him sometimes) ‘I’m having a little dispute with Rob over how to properly refer to the LGBTQ community in public– he doesn’t believe me that we prefer to be called “a the gays”.’

Now, I knew I could count on Matt to back me up, and he paused for just a second, but– and I could tell he was stifling a good laugh, too– he goes, ‘Yeah, exactly.  Anything else is just insulting.’

Amanda, I’m telling you, I was about to cry it was so hard not to laugh!”

 

“That’s really funny,” Amanda replied with a delighted smile, but one which just barely reached her eyes.

 

“Oh, it still gets better– and this is where the whole trucker thing comes in.  So– as you know, Reflections is a gay-bar–”

 

“– you mean a ‘no labels’ bar,” Amanda corrected again, with the biggest mischievous smirk Aaron had ever seen.

 

Grinning, Aaron shook his head and mumbled out a quick and quiet, “Ohshuddupbitch,” but ultimately continued his story as Amanda just kept grinning back at him.

“– and Rob and I got there ahead of you (as usual) and were just kinda’ chilling around for about an hour.  Well sure enough, we ended up playin’ a game of pool with a couple of red-neck bears, and after they handed us our asses, he goes, ‘Damn, you a the gays are good at just ’bout everything,’!”

 

Amanda burst out laughing at this, and Aaron joined her for several moments, but then choking down his laughter, he stammered on,

 

“Suffice– ha ha ha– suffice it to say, they were not pleased that he had the nerve to come into that bar, and talk like that to them!  So I pulled him away with some nervous chuckles, and we waited for you at the other side of the bar, and that’s when you showed up shortly after.”

 

“So that‘s why those guys kept staring at him?!” Amanda laughed on.

 

Forcing his speech through a few more chuckles, Aaron said, “Yuuuup!  And those were the same guys that hit him with their truck door just yesterday!” Aaron continued laughing, but Amanda went dead silent as a consternated look crept over her face.

“Wait a second–” she puzzled, ” –they still didn’t have to hit him, and besides: they were gay!  Why would they call him ‘fag’?!”

 

Aaron’s brows raised to perfect arches over his eyes as he shrugged with a big sigh, “What do you expect?  They were still rednecks.”

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